Thursday, November 1, 2012

How to approach a friend with breast cancer

How to approach a friend with breast cancer?
One of my close friends was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I found out that she is now doing chemo. I tried to I.M. her to let her know that I'm around for her. She was short with me when I did, and I understand that she's having a traumatic experience right now. Should I give her time and let her come to me when she ready?
Cancer - 6 Answers
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1 :
She can't be a very close friend if you found out she's facing chemo after she already started. A close friend would have known from the git go. And you I.M. her? That would p--s me off too. Go and see her in person and apologize. She's not coming to you.
2 :
Your friend may have just been very tired. Chemo tires us out tremendously. She also may not be ready to talk about it with you. For now just give her a wee bit of space for one on one contact. Send her a card reminding her you are thinking about her and for her to please contact you at any time. My mood always lifted when I would get a card from a friend in the mail. After a short time lapse, you can try contacting her again.
3 :
I would certainly at first take a step back to make sure your ready to deal with the problem as well. I would first educate yourself a little bit regarding breast cancer. Just so you have a good understanding of what she is experiencing. Secondly, she will have more confidence in you if she knows your educated about the subject. Next, I would contact her ever so often just to to let her know you are there. However, in th end, she will only truly communicate with you when she is ready. You can take a look at the site below for some general information. http://healthforself.today.com
4 :
yes. my mom has had breast cancer for a year. sometimes those people and their family dont want to talk about it until they are ready. just talk about other things that you guys used to talk about. live life to the fullest and imagine she has no cancer and pretend life is amazing. see what happens than.
5 :
I agree with notalone; she may well have been feeling exhausted and ill when you sent the IM. I think a card would be a good idea; let her know if she needs you, you'll be there - but only if you mean it, because she'll have been hearing that from a lot of people who won't deliver. I liked getting cards when I was feeling ill and low. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I got a text message from my brother, who I rarely saw in those days. It read 'I love you. I don't know what else to say. I f you need me for anything except ironing I'll be there'. I wasn't offended that he said it by text; it made me laugh and cry, and over 5 years later I've still got it on my phone. Just one thing; when you do talk to her, don't tell her she'll be fine (even her doctors don't know that) and don't urge her to be positive, it doesn't help most people. And of course you know her and I don't, but I'd say don't be afraid to show your feelings; after my diagnosis everyone I told was so brisk and positive that when I told a friend who just burst into tears, I was relieved - somebody cared!
6 :
Cancer can make us very cranky - but I expect your friend would like to be in touch - just is too tired to do much. If you go to www.after-cancer.com there is info about our moods, things that we like (a card is certainly one) and what is useful for us during cancer treatment. And good luck - we need friends who understand and aren't judgemental. Verite R

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